Making Room for Change

I know it's been a while so here I am trying to make it up by telling you some interesting shizz about my life. I havent blogged for, like, a month. The whole of September has been filled with so much confusion, loneliness, and emo-ness. But then again, that same month has brought life to a newer, better version of me. During my month-long blogging hiatus, I have found myself making room for change.

Hmm, change. Where do I start? Oh yeah. I ended a long-term, long-distance relationship that past month. Yes, I am single again. I'm surprised some of my friends didnt notice. Am I that good of an actress? Funny. I used to think I was so transparent. Yes, I have loved and lost yet again... nothing new there. LOL. Well I thought that would be my last relationship. I seriously thought I would settle down that time (since it was also my longest), but no. We broke up eventually. It's true that long-distance love affairs don't really work out. Sad but true. I was obviously too much in denial that's why I really crashed and burned when it ended. I couldnt accept the fact that we were growing apart because of our distance and that our relationship had run its course. But hey, life goes on. And yes, we are still friends. :) I KNOW for a fact that God writes my love story. He has saved some guy out there for me, and I have yet to meet him.

Next change is the improvement of my faith in Him. I was born and raised a Catholic and I have known Jesus all my life. I have been a part of my youth group for 7 years (starting at 15 years old). But I believe that I have been blind all those years UNTIL NOW. Today, I feel like I have developed a better, closer, and more personal relationship with Jesus. I am soooo deeply inspired by the people around me that sometimes, I cant help but cry with joy. No joke. I find myslef exclaiming my love for the people who helped me get spiritually closer to God. I LOVE THEM! AND I LOVE MY GOD! I am surprised at how a single person can have SO much love for God that their love for Him rubbed off on me and now I love Jesus even more! Some people have seen this evident change in me. They say, "Who are you? And what have you done to our friend Dimple?" Haha. I tell you, I'm still that same skinny girl you met in high school, I'm still that same sorority girl you met in college, I'm still that same crazy girl at the office--but much, much better. For before, I used to be dead. But now I feel so much ALIVE! God loves me, God loves all of us, and I proclaim my love for Jesus Christ. (Hugs!) :)

They say that the only constant thing in this world is change. I read that somewhere in one of my sociology readings in college. People change. I change--for the better. Those crap I did in the past, I learned from them. And that learning has brought out a better, stronger, more faithful me. This change is not gonna stop here. I still have a long way to go. I want to achieve the purpose that God made for me (and that is to lead everyone to Him, for grace and truth comes from Him). I'm loving this change. :)

So that's the summary of what happened during the time that I was too lazy to blog. Well, Twitter and Facebook have gotten the better of me (lol) as well. I cant wait for Christmas. I'm going to Davao and visit my love loves. My ex (the one I broke up with last month) will be there as well. He told me he's coming to visit from Australia. I pray that there will be absolutely NO awkward moments. Haha. Nah, I doubt it. :) Plus, my dad will finally be spending Christmas with mum, my sisters and me! The bottom line is that I'm excited for the future. I can't wait! Waaah!

I Miss College

"Um, that party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it
I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked
Drink my beer and smoke my weed but my good friends is all I need
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again
Man, I love college!"
--Asher Roth, I Love College

It's been exactly one year and five months since I officially left my college life. And man, I am so missing it. A while ago, I viewed some of my friend's photo albums on Facebook. They tagged me on some of the old school photos from college.

I miss the college drama! I miss drama between sorority sisters, orgmates, college boyfriends... It was definitely a time when I thought I was an adult, but looking back, I realized I was really still a kid at that point. I miss the library (my sanctuary), I miss the sorority house, tambayans, I miss jogging at the acad oval, I miss my touch rugby club, I miss the pusoy dos sessions, I miss the parties most especially!

I miss living the double life. In college, I was living a double life. I was the studious nerd who loves to hang out at the library on free time, but I was also the sorority girl who loves to party and just get high (natural high, I mean) with my frat brothers and sorority sisters.

It's not that I hate my life now. Dont get me wrong. I LOVE my job. I'm earning good money, and the people I work with are awesome. It's just that I've been thinking a lot about how glorious my college days were. I became president of my sorority, I joined a sports club (Touch Rugby), I got a 1.00 in my thesis... It's all so nostalgic.

In reality, I really cant go back to those days. But I cant help but reminisce. I miss college.

I'm Going Crazy!

I don't think I can go on like this for so long!!!! Lord, please help me. I trust in You.

Lonely Empty Me

I never thought I’d say this but I feel lonely.

I miss him so much. I mean, I knew long distance would be hard, but not THIS hard. I only have to wait for 5 more months. 5 months and then I’ll see him again. But until then, I’d still have to endure 150+ days of emptiness and loneliness. Grrr. Sad. I have never stopped thinking about him. From the day we parted ways until this very moment, he’s been running in my mind. There’s never a day that passes by without me thinking about him. I’ve never thought this much about a person ever. I didn’t even think this much about my previous exes. What does this mean? Do I really feel the four-letter L word for real this time? Hmm…

I wonder if he also thinks about me as much as I think about him. I wonder if he, too, is shunning away all temptations. I am a natural flirt. It’s really such an effort to control myself from flirting with cute guys. Haha! I keed, I keed. Okay, fine. I have to be honest, I do have a crush or two (at the office), but that’s it. It’s just a crush. I don’t even talk to them. I wonder if labidabs is also doing some major self-control… That’s what I do. I wonder all the time.

I think of him when I hear songs about “waiting”, “across the miles”, and all those stuff about long distance love affairs. I feel totally heartbroken when I hear songs about “meeting the ex and getting back together” or “I’ve found someone new”. Damn. Wag naman sana! I miss him!

He is my Odysseus and I am his Penelope. In literature, Penelope is Odysseus’ wife who faithfully waits for him even after he has gone to war for 20 years. Sometimes I wonder if I really am strong enough to hold on for so long. I wonder if I’m as strong as Penelope. I’ve never done this long distance thing before. I’ve read articles about long distance love affairs. Some say it works, but most say it’s headed for the end of the road. I know that some who are in LDR’s get tired and their hearts easily go astray. I hope labidabs isn’t like that.

Every night I hope and pray to God to give us both the strength to resist all temptations and to avoid opportunities for us to cheat. I always ask God to give us the patience to wait for each other and of course, to help us to be faithful to one another. The day I realized that I had feelings for him, I started praying for him as well. And that hasn’t stopped. For now, all I need to do is talk to him constantly, make sure we’re still in each other’s hearts, and wait until he comes back. That’s what I’ll do and keep on doing. For now, I wait.

A Moment of Rain and Pigs (One of the WORST Moments of My Life)

I thought today would be just like any other day. Blue sky, sunny day, gentle winds… I was wrong. I was SO wrong.

When I left home for work, I was greeted by strong winds and heavy rain. My broken umbrella was no match for the falling twigs and rainfall. Needless to say, I got soaked. I thought, “Great. It’s raining super hard just when I couldn’t take the car to work.” I took the tricycle and I got splashed by passing cars. I got soaked again, big time. After I rode the tricycle, I went to shout for a jeep. As soon as I stepped in, I rolled my slacks to my knees to prevent them from getting any wetter than they already were. That’s when another problem came in. This time, it’s something worse.

There were five people in that jeep, but I was the only passenger in it. Three of those were jeepney barkers and the last one was the driver. Ay grabe! Ambabastos! They acted like TOTAL PIGS! They wolf-whistled at me and they were checking me out with that look, you know, like, come-here-baby kind of look. Like they were undressing me with their eyes! UGH! I was soooo pissed! Why are some men such uncivilized pigs? They kept screaming “Woooh! Ganda ni ate! Sarap!” And I was like “F--- you, moron!!!” but only to myself. I put on my headphones to drown out their kabastusan. The driver told them to stop. He said, “Hoy! Umayos ayos nga kayo. Parang wala kayong mga asawa ah! Yan tuloy nag headphones na si ate.” And then this ugly douchebag said, “Walang asawa asawa! Ate, ano pangalan mo?” and this other idiot said “Ate, dito ka sa tabi ko umupo oh, di ka pa mababasa pag katabi mo ko.” And he patted the seat beside him mentioning me to sit in that space. I ignored them but deep inside I was so angry already I wanted to scream at them “Didn’t your mothers teach you to act right in the presence of women? And FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I’m young enough to be your daughter!!!!” I wanted to scream that right in their ears with the intention of breaking their eardrums.

I wanted to scream to the jeepney driver “PARA PO!” so I could go down and ride another jeep. I felt that if they did one more hirit on me, I'm going to punch them and make them uglier than their mothers did. But then after a couple minutes and a mile or two, two ladies with kids went into the jeep and they were followed shortly by more people. The more people came in, the quieter it got in the jeep. I decided to just ride in that jeep all the way to work. The barkers have stopped their moronic acts and went back to barking for passengers. That moment, I felt relieved. They left me alone until I went down to my stop, to where I work.

I couldn’t believe how those douche bags acted. I NEVER FELT SO (verbally) VIOLATED. I felt that they were somehow possessed by DEMONS and they had so much EVIL in them. I knew the Devil was in them. They were soooo bastos and uncivilized! They acted like addicts! They’re so disgusting and they’re freaking sick! I’m not hating on poor and uneducated people. I feel sorry for them actually. But men like those barkers, they’re the kind of men that makes other people HATE the poor and call them names!

I walked to my workstation thinking about those guys. My anger towards them has been replaced with pity. I felt sorry for them. I wish I’ll never have to experience that again.

Living With a Potential Murderer

It's been a while since I last wrote. Work has been taking much of my time that's why I literally have NO social life, as in ZERO. Well, I've been updating my Facebook and Twitter in between breaks but nothing worth writing has happened to me... until now.

My sister was sent to the hospital this morning because of UTI and appendicitis. While hanging out in her hospital room, mom, my sister Dana, our yaya Bing and myself talked about some household stuff. One particular topic was our gardener/dog-sitter Dodong.

At this point, ya'll probably know that the "potential murderer" I'm talking about is Dodong. Of course, I'm exaggerating. However, I can never be too sure. Let me give you a brief background about Dodong "the great", and I'm being sarcastic.

He's a 16 year-old kid from Davao and his lola was my mom's yaya when she was a kid. When his family found out we needed a gardener, he volunteered so he could give money to his parents. Mom thought that was so noble of him, so my mom took her in. At first he was really nice, really hardworking. But as time went by, he met a barkada in our neighborhood. After that, we noticed some changes in him.

He started smoking, he sneaks out at night, he comes home drunk, and he kicks our dalmatian until she yelps!!! So mean! We've caught him so many times, but he's still the reigning Denial King of all! Plus, he has a crush on my youngest sisters Nikki (I told her this and she practically barfed) and we also found out from ate Bing that Dodong HATES my sister Dana. LMAO! That's why he keeps on kicking Oona (Dana's dalmatian). Apparently, he doesnt like my sister Dana's strict nature. One time, I kept calling Dodong because I needed someone to open the gate for me while I drive out of our garage. I kept calling and calling for him and he didnt answer. So finally I went to his room and I saw him there laughing his ass off! He was pretending to be deaf to piss me off! I mean, how cruel can he get! Ugh!

And I found out that he's been threatening ate Bing because he somehow knew that ate Bing has been telling my mom on him. As in he went as far as threatening her life! And ate Bing told us that Dodong told her that when he gets back in Davao, he's gonna ask a mangkukulam to help him put a curse on my sister Dana. He said he's gonna burn her picture so that Dana's face will be disfigured. That uneducated son of a--ARGH!!!! As in I want to pull off his balls!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness, I cant even explain the anger I feel!!!! I just want him to go home. I want my mom to send him back to Davao! I hate him. Sooooo f-ing much. As in. I know I sound mean, but if you were in my place, you'd feel the same. Words can't describe how much I want to spit on him, scalp him, pull his eyes out, etc. But I'm an educated woman. I dont want to stoop down to his level. I just want him to leave. He pisses me off and scares me at the same time. Bahala na si Lord sa kanya.

I Wanna Blog Coz I’m Freaking Happy

Today is such a feel-good day. I don’t know why. Maybe I woke up at exactly the right side of the bed. Today I woke up and prayed (thanked God for waking me up and to bless the people that I care for), took a bath, hung with my sisters, and then went to work.

At work I found out that there is little work to be done for the day so that made me happy. Then my friend Tristan dropped by to visit and treated me to a Fazoli’s dinner (but I had to buy him a Starbucks drink in return. Waaah! My savings!) and the best part of it all is that I got to talk to my bubby after 5 days of no communication. Im happy to learn that even though it flooded in Queensland (There was a super storm in Australia), him and his family are safe and okay. I missed him during the days that we didn’t talk (they had power outages Down Under because of the storm that’s why we weren’t able to talk for a few days).

Another reason for happiness is that I’M GAINING WEIGHT! Woooh! My ultimate New Years Resolution was to gain weight and I’m glad I did. 5 more pounds to go till I reach 110 lbs! It’s my ideal weight hehehe. I’m happy to announce that my jeans don’t fit anymore and I have a bigger ass now! It’s not as big as Kim Kardashian’s but it’s big enough to garner stares from passers-by. Haha.

Oh well. I’ma catch ya’ll next time. For the meantime, if you wanna know daily updates of the train wreck called “my life”, follow me at twitter.com/superdimple. J

It's Killing Me!

This long distance is killing me! :(

It’s hard because I miss the person I care about every single day. I cant seem to get him out of my mind. From the day he left until this very minute, he is constantly running in my head. The fact that I have a picture of us in my office desk makes me yearn for him even more. I want so much to hug him but he’s out of my reach…

This is actually my first time to venture in this kind of relationship. If you ask my past boyfriends, all of them would say that I am definitely the last person on Earth who would want to be in a long distance relationship. Heck, I broke up with most of them because I didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship.

Scenario 1: my high school bf and I broke up because we were going to different colleges. Him in UST and I in UPLB. Plus, we were really too young back then anyways hehe…
Scenario 2: one of my exes and I broke up because he lives in Manila and I live in Antipolo. We just didn’t have the resources to visit each other all the time. Plus, he lives near his ex-gf (which was another cause of our breakup, but that’s another story).

But life is SO ironic. All of my exes live here in the Philippines but I never lasted long with any of them. With my current relationship, he lives all the way in Australia but he’s the one who lasted longer than any of my previous exes…

It’s hard. REALLY HARD. Being in a long distance is such a challenge. Trust and communication are the key ingredients for making it work. I don’t have any problem with those two… it’s the lack of PHYSICAL PRESENCE that’s making things hard for me! I go to malls and see couples holding hands. I go to watch movies and see couples snuggling with each other. Just last night I went to High Street and I saw a lot of couples walking their dogs looking all cute and there I was all LONELY and MISERABLE without the guy I care about by my side. Ugh! :(

People (mostly my guy friends) sometimes put me down by saying it wont work out. I know they're just joking, but still... It sucks. I know that most long distance relationships fall apart. One of my friends said that these kind of relationships don’t work out simply because the couples know from the start that being far away from each other just wont make it work. I really feel bad. But I KNOW things will work out. It all depends on the couple, right?

All I have is our picture on a frame. The best I could do is kiss his photo (it’s sad, I know) and pray for him everyday. I’m not gonna give up. I will be patient. I look forward to the day we’ll be together again and I could feel him in my arms. I will wait for him… Besides, good things come to those who wait. :)

It's Been a While!

It’s been a while since I last wrote! Well, the important thing is that I’m back from blogging hiatus. Hehe. I’m loving my new job at IBM. I have such great teammates and I have a nice boss. Everything’s going out pretty smoothly so far.

I haven’t been writing because for the past three weeks, I didn’t have a desktop computer at the office. Those IT guys were on slow mo in delivering my PC. But enough of that now.

I have been hung up on a few things while I was away. Allow me to elaborate:

1. Twitter. I love this microblogging thing! Since I always come home late (1am), my parents only allow me 15 minutes to use the computer. 15 minutes isn’t enough for me to write a full-blown blog. But I discovered Twitter! It allows me to blog within minutes and I’ve been hooked since then! Also, I follow most of my favorite celebrities like John Mayer (who tweets every minute!) and Kim Kardashian. Hehehe

2. Facebook: I love answering the quizzes. Plus, I get to catch up on some of my old friends from way back in elementary. I don’t know, but Friendster isn’t doing much for me anymore. I only keep it because that’s what my darling and I use for writing each other.

3. Poker: My status in MySpace in Online Poker is already Big Dog. Yay! It means I’m way better than a Poker Pro. Hehe. It all started when my sister Dana and some of her friends started having Poker Nights at home. She taught me how to play, and the rest, as they say, is history.

4. Helen: The finest-looking bitch in the whole world! I absolutely loooove my poodle Helen. She takes all the stress away. Dogs really are a woman’s best friend. J At night, when I’m lonely and I badly want a hug from my darling bf (which he obviously cant give) I just say “Helen, come here, girl!” and she instantly hops into my bed and snuggles up with me. Awwww.

5. French: I’ve been self studying these past few days. I love the way it sounds. It’s so romantic, don’t you think? It all started when I watched this French film somewhere in cable and it really caught me. Even though I didn’t have any idea what they were saying, I understood them deep inside my heart. Haha it sounds corny, but I think French is calling me. C’est toi que je brule pour…

Well, I guess that’s just about it. I’ll write again if something interesting and worth blogging happens. Attrapez-toi plus tard!

Swoon-Worthy

I just came back from watching 17 Again with Din and Simeon and all I can say is... HUBBA HUBBA ZACK EFRON!!!! Hahaha! Zack Efron a.k.a Mr. Hottie McHot-Hot is sooooooo super freakin' cute in the movie! His looks totally distracted me from paying attention to the whole storyline of the movie. LOL. Awww Vanessa Hudgens, you dont know how lucky you are. Hehe. Din and Simeon kept telling me to stop squealing inside the cinema. What can I say? I cant help it. Zack is so swoon-worthy.

Anyways, I need prayers... Last week I took a medical exam (physical test) as one of my requirements for work. I took the whole test, including the blood test, the urinalysis, the stool test (I hated picking up my own poop! yuck!), the vagina test (lol) and the xray. After that I went home. Two days later, I got a call from the clinic asking for a repeat xray procedure. They found some suspicious dents in my lungs and that my trachea was mis-aligned or something. So they did another xray from a different angle which they called apicolordotic view or something. I hope everything turns out well... The results will come out on Monday. Im scared. It might affect my work... my whole future even!So pray for me guys... Pray WITH me.